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By Elaine Sihera A. Dishonesty & Betrayal. This happens in a relationship when there is infidelity, abuse, lies, lack of support, broken promises or violation of privacy. The foundation of any relationship is trust. Cheating and lying breaks down the basis for a relationship, often resulting in its demise. Resolving such a problem must be a top priority if the relationship is to survive. However, of all the elements of betrayal, infidelity is the most lethal and difficult to deal with because it goes to the heart of trust and appreciation. Trust is immediately lost, and this is coupled with a sense of abject rejection, of being inadequate and unwanted, which is hard to face and to accept. In these situations, counselling is highly recommended to defuse tension and facilitate the changes required. The interesting thing about sexual betrayal is that it has a different effect on the genders. Women, being more emotional, are much more frightened of their partners falling in love with someone else, especially someone younger, who might replace them totally; while men, being more physical, are more afraid of their spouses having sex with another person. Quite a big difference there. It could have something to do with the fact that women feel totally rejected in instances of betrayal their looks, body, charm, skills, personality, their whole person. They fear being replaced entirely by someone else more attractive; they dread being insignificant and unwanted. For men, not being desired is interpreted as a powerful rejection of their penis in essence, their manhood the core of their being. The thought of someone pleasuring their partners in ways which they have been deemed unfit to do (especially using penises imagined to be far bigger and better than their own!) immediately becomes a rejection of them as men. It throws them into competition with other men in ways they feel impotent to affect the situation and dramatically lowers their self-esteem. Men fear betrayal even worse than women. They often go on a lot about having been hurt but everyone gets hurt at some time. Life is not a bowl of cherries for some and hard knocks for others. It depends on how we deal with those crises which makes the real difference to our recovery. Resist Being a Martyr B. Self-Neglect. This is a tendency to put yourself last and to stress self-sacrifice. But martyrs are seldom happy and where there is only gloom, there is little satisfaction. More often, such martyrs are likely to be depressed, angry, resentful, bitter and burnt out with work and worry. This is not to say that you should not consider others and be thoughtful in meeting their needs, but not at the expense of your own. Having a healthy relationship involves factoring your own needs and desires into the equation. You have to teach people how to treat you, and, if you act like a doormat, you cant completely blame someone if they wipe their feet all over you. Learn how to stand up for yourself, practise assertive communication, ask and allow others to meet your needs, and take care of yourself as much as you take care of your loved ones. You will be around much longer to serve their needs! Other common problems include jealousy, being taken for granted, criticism and nagging, clinging dependency, bullying and loss of love, to name a few. There are many challenging barriers to having a good marriage/relationship, so the last thing one would expect any relationship to be is easy! That is why long relationships need to be encouraged, helped, applauded and used as role models for the sheer stickability of the partners in the face of continuous obstacles, rather than treated as the expected norm or taken for granted. Please remember that what is wrong in a relationship can often be put right, especially if the negative aspects are used as lessons rather than beating sticks. We can choose to learn from them, and find a better way to live, or ignore them altogether and perish. Each of these major issues is related to one or more negative patterns of thinking and feeling that are outwardly expressed in selfish behaviours; patterns which are usually learned in childhood and then perpetuated during ones lifetime. They are not exclusive to certain people. Everyone has these patterns which are no longer appropriate or productive. Only self-awareness, self-help and improvement will help us to cope in conflict situations and point us in the direction of where we really want to be with the ones we love. ELAINE SIHERA (Ms Cyprah - http://www.myspace.com/elaineone and http://www.elainesihera.co.uk) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a CONFIDENCE guru and a consultant for Diversity Management, Personal Empowerment and Relationships. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men and Women of the Year Achievement Awards. She describes herself as, “Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!” Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Elaine_Sihera http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Deadliest-Hurt-Within-A-Relationship-(5)&id=512201 online purchase ultram pharmacy tramadol hcl dosing tramadol 90ct no prescription online prescription ultram

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